On My Way

I have a song stuck in my head. This happens to me on many a day, because I think in song lyrics. Perhaps I inherited this habit from my Mom, who, at the drop of a hat, would take any opportunity to sing song lyrics that she was reminded of in the moment.
Someone would say, "I saw her face..."
And Mom would sing, "The first time... ever I saw your face..."
Or you might say, "It's a beautiful morning..."
And then she would sing, "Its a beautiful morning..."
You get the idea.

Today I have a Simon and Garfunkel song stuck in my head. Luckily, it is one of the happy ones. I keep hearing, "I'm on my way.... don't know where I'm going... I'm on way...Taking my time but I don't know where..."

Strange. At the same time, though, not so strange. Here I am, on the cusp of finishing 3 years of intense study, discernment and work as a seminarian, and I feel as if I am scratching the surface of what I need to know to work as a member of the Episcopal clergy. I am no expert or master of the divine. (I find that degree ironic in its implications. As if anyone could master divinity-- or would want to, for that matter). However, I am on my way. Being on my way feels good, too.

More than anything, I am struck how public ministry is a collaboration with God. The more I "work" to be "good" at this stuff relying simply on my own hutspah and drive, the more frustrated I get. The more I worry about the next job interview, the next day, or the next sermon I preach, the less I progress. However, the more I engage God with prayer, silence, remembering to breath in and out, praying centering prayer, and simply saying, at times, "your will be done..." (whatever that means), the more I seem to move along.

Am I worried about finding a job? Yes, I am. Do I want you to hire me as your priest? Definitely, I do. Do I need some source of income and a place to exercise my public, ordained ministry? I do indeed. However, the more I remember to continue "scratching the surface" in a life of collaboration with God, the further along I move "on my way."